clean

I got home today after a sweaty day at work (basically in a kitchen all day in very unseasonable 80 degree weather), staggered into my absolutely disgusting room, and couldn't stand it any longer. So I cleaned.

I tackled the pile of travel things that had been sitting on my floor since I got back from China (2 weeks ago). I sorted through school paperwork from last quarter. I wiped off the whiteboard marker message my brother left on my mirror the last time he was home for a visit. I threw out my years-old sparkly lipglosses that I really should not be wearing now anyways. I opened up the cabinet under my sink and tossed old lotions, sprays, and perfumes that I haven't touched since I packed them up from our old house. I washed my makeup brushes and watched weeks of color go down the drain. I lost all sentimental value for ticket stubs, knick-knacks, pretty gift packages, and other crap that I forgot I even had. I took a long, cool shower and scrubbed off the layer of concealer and powder stuck to my face.

And it was right around then that I realized I really needed this. I'd become so used to being a packrat that I didn't even realize when I was holding onto something because I really wanted to keep it or because I just didn't want to throw it away. And yes, there is a difference.
Usually when I throw things away I'm struck with this terrible guilt for wasting things or always saying "I'll save it for later" and completely forgetting about it. But today it felt really good. Not just because my room seems twice as big now and I can see the carpet again, but because I was able to let go of things that at one point I thought I really needed. I feel so much lighter now.

I know over the course of the next few weeks and months the cycle is going to start over and things will continue to accumulate, but for the moment I'm just enjoying the good place that I'm in. I'm not worrying about anything except the things I really need right now. Scratch that, I'm not worrying about anything. And it's a really good feeling.